Do I
Really Believe in Celibacy?
asks Fr. Thomas Green S.J., spiritual director at San Jose
seminary in Manila.
There
are very few scriptural references to this topic, but two
are particularly important:
1
Corinthians, 7:25-38, where Paul speaks of the
value of being free for wholehearted dedication to the
concerns of the Lord; and
Matthew
19:12,
Jesus’ own reference to those who “make
themselves eunuchs of the kingdom of heaven.” When I
was ordained, did I have a mature grasp of the deeper
meaning of these passages? And now? If I was emotionally
adolescent when I was ordained, have I since matured?
Do the words of Jesus and Paul speak to my heart and to my
experience now?
My dictionary defines celibacy as:
1. The state of being unmarried, especially that of a person under a vow not to marry;
2. Complete sexual abstinence.
So celibacy is a state of life. And interestingly, the Indo-European words from which “celibacy” is derived mean “living alone.”
In contrast, “chaste” has four meanings in my dictionary. One of these (the second) is “celibate;” but the others refer to activity or behavior rather than to a state of life:
1. Not indulging in unlawful sexual activity...
2. Pure, decent or modest nature, behavior, etc..
3. Restrained and simple in style.
So celibacy, if we believe the dictionary, is a state of life, whereas chastity is a type of behavior appropriate to any state of life. And if we consult our own experience, we who have tried to live celibacy, I think we can confirm and deepen this distinction. I would say that celibacy is a quality of the heart, whereas, chastity, is a property of our instinctual nature.
What I mean is this: Celibacy refers to my free and happy choice to “live alone” with God. But chastity is the integration of my instinctual nature into my heart, my will truly desires. Thus if someone asked me — as they do — “Do you find chastity difficult?” I would have to answer by making a distinction; chastity, yes: but celibacy, no. What my heart wants is the Lord alone. I can be happy wedded to Him, and only Him.
But it does not mean that my instincts, my sexual drives, are completely. tamed.
Over the years chastity has become easier, but not really easy. Our instincts are the last part of us to be converted, as Paul so movingly proclaimed in Romans 7:14-25. Even when we truly want the good, we still find our instinctual self doing, or desiring something else. Our only hope, as Paul sees clearly, is the victory already won for us (though not yet clearly revealed in us) by Christ Jesus our Lord.
The distinction has important consequences. Chastity may well be a lifetime battle for the most dedicated (religious). But celibacy should be settled for him, if he has made a mature, free decision to “live alone with Christ.”
David Knight (in Cloud by Day. Fire by Night) uses a beautiful story to illustrate the meaning of celibacy. He speaks of an engaged couple who is walking across London Bridge when the boy protests to the girl that he is unworthy of her love. She replies that she loves him just as he is: but he is unconvinced. The girl is wearing a locket on a chain around her neck. It is her favorite possession, which she wears to celebrate when she is joyful and to console herself when she is sad. Suddenly she removes the locket and throws it over the bridge into the river Thames below. The boy cannot understand this impulsive, seemingly wasteful gesture. But she tells him: “What I mean to say in throwing away my favorite possession is that YOU ARE MY ENOUGH. If I have you I don’t need anything else in the world.” When he answers that he still does not understand (a typical man), she says something beautiful: ‘Maybe when you are older you will understand what I mean. And maybe I will really understand, too!’
Our sexuality is the locket. We renounce it not because it is bad, but because it is the most precious thing we possess. By throwing away this treasure we say to God: ‘You are my enough. With your love I can do without this most precious part of my humanity.’
We need to deepen our relationship with God. We have to learn to make a mature, free choice of celibacy. And this could be done through prayer, for prayer is the love life of the celibate. God could not be our ‘enough’ unless he is very real, personally real to us.
What about you and me? Do we really understand what we meant when we threw the necklace into the river?
Taken from Living Celibacy, Vocation Journal, NCDVD, Vol.5, 2003